The Holiday season conjures up wonderful ideas and memories of delicious food, time with friends and family, gift giving and receiving…a season of JOY! Yet for some, it is not that simple. Often people who are living outside the box of society feel somewhat challenged by this time of year. It can be challenging visiting our families or friends with a more traditional view of the way things should go, from parenting to food we may be making different choices in our families. So what do we do, well the goal would be to just fill yourself with love, go and enjoy yourself, but that is often easier said than done. Let’s spend some time looking at possible solutions for the different challenges that may present themselves during this wonderful season.

Over the hill and through the woods to Grandmothers house we go…The challenge begins with the Holiday meal being served right in the middle of the day when our child naps, child is grumpy, and there are expectations for him/her to sit at family table with the entire family or a gift is giving that our child already has or does not like and our child is used to being honest…but the rest of the family…not so much! OMG…what if the child doesn’t even want to go to Grandmas house, then what? Well, first I would change my focus to be in the most loving and positive place I can be. I would look for solutions that could work for everyone. For example; the time of day problem could possible be solved by seeing if the adults were willing to change the time or you could work with your child suggesting laying down with them for a rest before you go. If creative solutions are not coming together yet everyone wants to go, go prepared! Maybe take two cars so if some people need to leave early, just be sure that everything is talked about before you go and set your intention to be positive. Everything will work out; there really is no need to get all stressed out. The example of an honest child telling a relative they don’t like a gift can be tricky but again it has a lot to do with our attitude, how people will react to something like that. If we are OK, they will be OK too. It is also important to talk about “social graces” before you go, explaining without shaming, what people expect in these situations. Social graces are a complicated thing for a young child to understand and often they are just bad conditioning, so be sure you understand your beliefs about this type of thing before you pass it along to your child. The child that doesn’t even want to go, now that’s a challenge for people like us trying to live consensually! There are many different factors that go into this one, child’s age, travel distance, and everyone involved…that’s a big can of worms. First, I would really listen to the child’s concerns or reasons for not wanting to go, then try to work around the problem areas being careful to honor the child, not try and convince them to see it your way. I would never force a child to do anything against his or her will, there are so many different scenarios here I can’t really go into them all, If you have a situation like this feel free to e-mail me at tracy@transformingfamily.com