What does empower or empowered mean to you…really stop and think about it for a minute.

From wikipedia – Empowerment refers to increasing the spiritual, political, social or economic strength of individuals and communities. It often involves the empowered developing confidence in their own capacities.

My personal definition includes knowing yourself well, knowing what you believe in, understanding what makes you tick and what makes you break down. After you have a good grasp on who you are as a healthy adult, then it becomes about developing your confidence in knowing who you are is OK…what you believe is OK…regardless of what others may think.

All Mothers know how important this is, the first time your little one takes someone else’s toy at play group or even slugs another kid at the park. If you are not feeling confident in your parenting when something like that happens…we know what happens next. We over react and beat ourselves up and possibly even our precious little ones all the way home in the car. Yet, if we are feeling good about who we are, the choices we have made as a parent, the incident is just a small blip on our Motherhood map. We know that our child is not an evil sociopath…yet instead just a tried or hungry toddler. It didn’t ruin our day or our relationship with our child!

So, to me, being an empowered parent is all about self understanding and self acceptance! There are so many wounded people out in the world and many of them are parents! Geez…I’m one of them…yet now I consider myself a wounded healer. I am someone who wants to help others get past their wounding and into their empowerment! So how do you do that exactly, Tracy? Well, it is not an exact system…instead it is more of a process. Through working with 100’s of Mothers and quite a few Fathers, I have learned how to help people become empowered parents!

Here are a few key principles to help you move forward in your empowerment process!

• It’s not about them…it’s about you. When you find yourself wanting to yell or punish your child, step back, take 3 deep breaths, and ask yourself ” why am I so upset?”
• Don’t take it personally. Your children are not planning an evil plot to make you look bad. More likely than not they are just being children. Don’t forget to always take HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) into consideration.
• If you find yourself consulting or buying every expert’s technique or book, you are not an empowered parent. You have lost track of what’s most important and that’s your inner knowing. Yes, I am an expert…yet I am an expert at helping you become an empowered parent.
• If you find yourself scouring the Internet for answers…STOP…and realize that when it comes to parenting you know what to do. You know what your child needs!
• Spend time in quiet meditation or with a journal and ask yourself the questions.
• Realize the importance of staying positive and loving, children are very sensitive to our emotions!
• Remembering what is the most important thing to us as Parents…our relationships with our children!

So what do I need you for Tracy? You need me to support you on your empowerment journey! You need me to bounce ideas off of, to get a fresh new perspective, to help you uncover and dust off your core values. You need me to be on you side, be your biggest cheerleader and help you implement your new ideals!

Personal empowerment is where true strength and happiness comes from! Let me help you…help you!

>>>Talk To Tracy About How She Can Help<<<

Please join me on Facebook; I will be doing a FREE call on becoming an Empowered Parent at the end of this month. I do a free call with my Facebook group at the end every month!

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 I was asked this question on Skype by one of my European clients…”How do you stay your best self while handling siblings that are at each other” we of course went on talking about the details of the situation which she was referring. I will share them here in a general way to help create a scenario and a solution. I know many will relate to this story.

It was a busy day…Mom had an appointment in the morning and the family met up in the afternoon for another appointment. This beautiful family has 3 young children, so already they have done a lot…yet they also needed to stop at the store for some chicken for dinner. While at the store the middle child spotted a beautiful little potted plant and wanted it, so they bought the plant and groceries and started home. Everyone was happy and heading home, little girl holding her beautiful new plant the whole way…proud and happy!

Once inside the safety of home things turned for the worse…they live where it is cold and snowy, so once inside they all need to take of the layers of outside clothing. While doing so the oldest child got a hold of the plant from the middle child and tossed it on the floor.

His sister understandable upset was crying and saying she did not like her big brother. Mom and Dad still undressing themselves and baby, also needing to put groceries away did their best to handle the situation. It was not easy. The two children were both upset and the eldest not wanting to take off his muddy boots and wet pants…Mom was starting to feel very frustrated and upset herself (totally understandable…right!?) She continues to do what she knew to do…breathe and try to stay calm.

After a bit it just was not working anymore and she shifted into another state of being…just wanting this to be over and wanting her son to take off his shoes and wet clothing; she stopped trying to work with him and basically over powered him to get the job done…so to speak. Then the son was upset about her not listening to him and so on and afterwards Mom felt terrible about the whole thing.

These things happen everyday…all over the world! Moms trying to be calm, patient, reasonable, respectful and loving with their children no matter what; then an extremely busy day and people being tired or hungry and things fall apart! So the very first thing I will remind you about is H A L T = Hunger, Angry, Lonely and/or Tired! When embarking out or even when at home…make sure these 4 basic needs are always addressed first. Be sure that everyone is feeling their best by insuring they are well rested, not holding on to anger/resentments, feeling loved and understood and feed well! This is very important for MOM to remember for herself!! We can not function well if we are hungry, angry, loney and/or tired. So we MUST take good care of our selves!!!!

So after checking in with Self and others about where they are with HALT, address those needs as quickly as possible! After that it gets much more introspective and personal. We are talking about us…Mother’s being our best during sibling challenges. We are not talking about how to make child behave differently! Things to do in the moment of the upset or if that’s not possible, go through these steps with yourself later after things have calmed down.

1. Locate your true feelings – you felt angry, frustrated, unappreciated…
2. See if the feelings were triggered from past or present
3. Watch for self judgment or worrying about others judging (if outside of house)
4. Concentrate on the relationship – not doing anything to harm relationship
5. If feeling triggered from negative past experience work with self before proceeding with child
6. Working with self can look like nurturing that triggered part of self ( possibly inner child) or harmed adult
7. Talk lovingly/reassuringly to that part of self

The most important thing is your relationship, if you can not be kind and calm you should walk away and breathe 3 deep breathes before returning to the situation; unless of course their is a safety concern!

These seven steps can be used with all challenging relationship issues! I will be doing a FREE tele-workshop on this topic and these steps on Wednesday evening March 24^th at 7 PM EST. On the call we will go more in depth about how to actually use these steps and clarify and questions people have…time allowing. Please join my Facebook Fan Page to stay up to date on all Free calls and Special Offers! Lot’s of new and exciting things coming up this spring/summer, designed to help you Transform You, Which Transforms Family!

As always…

Peace~Love~Free~

Tracy

Myth’s about Happiness:

Myth #1 – I’ll be happy when I lose 20 (30,40,50) pounds.

How many of us have thoughts this, just to go ahead and torture ourselves by not eating the foods we love, lose the weight and be happy for just a little while. Yet after we get used to being our new slimmer selves, we realize nothing has *really* changed and we seem to have all the challenges we always had…including worrying about our weight! So in reality losing weight did not actually bring us the happiness we were looking for!
BUSTED!
Myth #2 – I’ll be happy after my house gets cleaned up.

So you’ve had it! You’re sick and tired of the mess and you get cracking…and you clean your house! Ahhhh…what a great feeling a clean house is…for sure! Yet did it really bring happiness? Well yes, it does bring happiness for a short while. Possibly even shorter than the weight lose brought due to your hubby and 3 kids messing the whole place up…lol! You realize it does feel better to have a clean house and it does add to your happiness factor, yet it is not a lasting happiness.
PLAUSABLE!
Myth #3 – I’ll be happy when I move to a different area/state or into a larger house.

Oh boy, this is one I used to believe 10 to 15 years ago…guess what I found out? Where ever I went…there I was! Meaning, happiness is an inside job! We can truly be happy for the inside out…not from the outside in. For me I had a lot of self awareness, self acceptance, personal development action I needed to take…before I could truly be happy regardless of my weight, mess, town or house I was in 
BUSTED!

Myth’s about Parenting:

Myth #4 – Kids are going to be “bad” and misbehave if I/we don’t “teach” them how to behave!

Kids are not inherently bad…just the opposite is true! They are inherently GOOD! Yes, of course we have more experience in life that we can share with our kids to help guide them. Yet truly the best thing we can do for our kids is BE there for them, be there to help them, be there to guide them when they need us. The best way to teach out kids how to be and act responsible, respectful, kind, and loving is to model that behavior. Treat your children kindly, loving, respectful & responsibly; they will “learn” that is the way to act toward others.
BUSTED!

Myth #5 I was spanked and disciplined as a child and I didn’t turn out so bad.

Well, I’m sure if you are reading this Transforming Family E-Zine you are probably right…you did not turn out so bad…lol! Yet, if you look deeply, was your relationship with your parents damaged by being harshly disciplined by them. Do you find yourself harshly disciplining your children; then feeling badly wishing you had better parenting skills?
PLAUSIBLE? NO… BUSTED!

Myths about Marriage & Family:

Myth #5 – Happily Ever After. Things should be easier than this.

The truth about relationships is there is a certain amount of “work” that goes into them. So the idea that we fall in love with our husband or babies and everything is “happily ever after…is just hoo-haa! Yep…that’s what I just said HOO-HAA! What a real happy marriage/family looks like is a group of people coming together in a common goal. Willingness to look at one another as being perfect humans in the mist of all our challenges. Being willing to do whatever personal development is necessary to be the best Mom, Dad or kids you can be. Are you willing to do what ever it takes to have the family of your dreams??
BUSTED!

Many of the myths I have talked about come up in one way or another while working with my coaching clients, if you are someone who could relate to one or more of these myths and are ready to change your thinking from BUSTED to CONFIRMED, you are ready to join one of my coaching programs!

>>>Click here to schedule a Complimentary Coaching Session<<<

Act now because I only have 2 spaces left for coaching clients before I go onto a waiting list!

As Mothers we work hard 24/7…365! We care for others and sometimes forget ourselves. That strategy does not *really* benefit anyone.

“In trying to satisfy all, I may be able to satisfy none” ~Gandhi

So let’s get the focus back on our very important selves this year, it is not selfish to care for self…it is wise and necessary…especially for Mother’s!! Let’s explore things we can do for ourselves as a whole divine person; let’s break it down into three very important parts!

Body ~ Mind ~ Spirit

Body ~

• Rest! Our bodies need a certain amount of rest to function well. I know for Mother’s this can be a challenge, yet it needs to be a top priority! Sleep depravation can have a serious negative impact on how well we are able to care for ourselves and our family!
• No excuses…look for solutions to your sleep issues and get more Rest!!

• Diet/Nutrition ~ Let’s talk diet first, since this is the time of year that everyone thinks about the great new diet plan they will carry out in 2011. I would like to remind you to come from a place of self love when consider dieting. Dieting from a place of self hatred will never end well. You may lose the weight, but it will be back L Love yourself enough to eat well, not from hating your big butt, but from loving yourself!

• Exercise ~ Getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine, with your heart pumping and your lungs felling with sweet air is very important not only for your waistline but also for your brain. I will say the same thing I said above…Exercise out of love for Self, not from a place of hatred or punishment. Go out with the kids and play kick ball, take a walk or run with the stroller. EnJoy life…Enjoy your body!

• Water ~ Drink lots of water! That’s all I’m gonna say on that subject, you know why!

• Massage ~ This is not just a fabulous way to spend a Saturday afternoon. It is actually good for you. It releases toxins, and keeps your body working well from the inside out! Caring for self is a necessity, not a luxury! OK, I just have to say…I don’t care what your husband thinks (gasp)! Do it for yourself, show yourself love and nurturing…your worth it!!

Mind ~

How do you care for your mind? How do you “clear your head”? Caring for your mental health is *very* important and needs to be done on a daily basis!

• Quiet ~ Everyday find a way to quiet your mind. I know quiet is a valuable commodity for a Mother! Every valuable commodity is worth seeking right?! It can look different for everyone. Some people take 15 minutes to meditate; others may break their quiet time down to 5 minutes in morning, noon and night. Some may breathe deep, close their eyes and relax while a child is nursing. It’s all good J Find a way to quiet your mind daily!

• Support ~ Mother’s need loving support! Find other Mom’s that you have a lot in common with; with similar parenting styles and plan weekly meet ups. Hire a Life Coach that has similar philosophy about family and children as you do. How ever and where ever you can, look for and find loving support. Again that is an act of self care and you are important enough to receive it!

• Ask For Help ~ We really don’t have to do it all!! We can ask for help. If you are feeling like you have no one to ask…start looking for solutions. Find a babysitter you can trust, hire a cleaning person, even ask the kids and Husband where they would be willing to help J

• Body ~ If you take good care of your body; getting enough rest, exercise and nutrition your mind will be functioning at it’s best, so revisit that subject and ask yourself what your mind needs to feel better.

Spirit ~

To me spirit is about heart and soul; for Mother’s this is a very powerful part of the body, mind, and spirit paradigm! Taking good care, listening to and honoring our spirit is extremely important!

• Spirituality ~ For some this means religion and church going; for others it means we are all connected and one with source and lots of in between! So I am writing this in a general way. Honor your beliefs, even if they are different than others that are close to you. Life is an individual journey that is connected to others for the reason of love, support and growth. Make time for yourself to honor your beliefs; go to church, join a group, meditate and/or pray. Care for your spiritual side.

• Authentic Self ~ *Knowing* ourselves at the deepest level and honoring who we are is especially important to feeling our best. If we are not following our inner voice or true selves we will feel unhappy and out of sorts because we are going against our highest good. Often through years of societal conditioning we lose sight of who we really are. We have lost our Authentic (true) Selves. If this is striking a cord for you, and you are feeling like; yes this is what is happening to me. Following the suggestions already mentioned here in this article will help…yet you may also desire some extra support. This is  my *passion* to help women find their Authentic Selves, please e-mail me and I can send you more articles and information that will help you uncover what the layers of life have buried. tracy@transfomringfamily.com

Have you ever noticed that people will spend money to make money? Thousands…probably millions are spent on get rich quick schemes everyday! Yet, very rarely do people make millions. Why do you think people are often unwilling to spend money on what everyone says is the most important thing in their lives…their family? Now…just go with me here…what would a get rich quick scheme look like for you when it comes to your family life?

Picture this…your husband (or wife) calls you midday and asks you out on a romantic date that night. He has planned everything, right down to the trusted babysitter. Is that hitting the jackpot as far as family life goes?? Or maybe it’s more like this for you…you have a wonderful family dinner together that everyone pitched in to make.  You laugh and tell stories about your day while making dinner with your kids. Everyone happily sits down together for dinner and afterwards everyone is willing to clean up without a fuss. Next the kids take off to do homework or watch TV and you and your spouse enjoy a quiet evening without any big disturbances. OK is that making a million in family life??

You see where I am going with all this…you really can have the million dollar family! Yet just like making millions…it’s gonna take some “work”. It may even cost some $$. Is your family worth it? Are you willing to do what it takes?  I know for a fact your million dollar family is right there in front of you…waiting to break the bank open so to speak! How do I know this? It is my experience! I have experienced living a poor family life first hand and I know what it takes to make it a Million!

I took my over-tired, angry, frustrated, feeling unloved and unappreciated Self from rags to riches! No, I do not literally mean monetarily. I am talking about spiritually! I am talking about being willing to do what it takes to turn things around, to have the motivation to Transform My Family. I had it 10 years ago and I have it today…the motivation that is! Are there things in your life that you know need to change? Do the same challenges come up day after day? If you answered, YES! Why not let me help you? What holds you back? The usual reasons are time and finances. I have answers for both…lol! Time is not a problem. I can schedule appointments in the evening, weekend or during nap time. I am a mother who understands interruptions. So if you’re a stay at home mom who thinks she can’t talk on the phone with me, I have worked with many moms that would tell you otherwise. When it comes to money…let me tell you…I am SO worth it! If you need proof, I have it! Just ask. Also, I offer the best Transformational Coaching Programs out there!

>>>Sign Up For Your Million Dollar Family Mastermind Session Now…it’s FREE<<<

Start Transforming Your Family into a million smiles and hugs today! Let’s start with you

All you have to do to get started is

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As I said earlier, talking about it is also an important tool during difficult times. I know it is not always easy to talk about the most challenging stuff in our lives and for some personalities it is even harder…but everyone has at least one person they can be totally honest with. Call that trusted person, meet them for lunch or at the park, get together and share your true self. Honestly I’ve been there, done that and survived. Often people worry if they take the cork off the bottle and let it all out, they will fall apart, they won’t be able to pull it back together. I have never seen this to be true. It always helps to let the steam out of that simmering pot, share, be validated and move forward!

During Challenging Times…

1. Go within and locate what is truly bothering you
2. Accept what ever emotion or thought that comes forward
3. Confide in that trusted person or group of people
4. See or talk to a trusted professional
5. Be honest with yourself and your family about what is going on with you
6. Yes, this includes our children. Being honest with our children models acceptance of self, models that no one is “perfect”, models that emotions are healthy and good, models good self care…what great “lessons”
7. Take it easy, don’t force yourself to “pull yourself up by your boot straps”
8. LOVE YOURSELF, YOU ARE LOVABLE!

If you or anyone you know is going through a challenging time right now and would like some extra support, remember that I offer one FREE coaching session sign up NOW by clicking on link!

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All of us have issues with fear; some people are more prone to worry and fear than others. Yet today I hope to help break down the fear that may be plaguing your life with a fairly simple (yet not easy) process!

Whenever we are motivated by f-e-a-r, we need to stop and really examine it. Some people are very adapt at locating what is *really* going on with them during times of crisis…others need help to even identify what is really motivated the upset. Here are some emotional symptoms that will help you identify that the *real* problem is fear.

Symptoms of Fear:

Worry

Anxiety

Confusion

Dulling of senses

Panic

Terror

Dissociation

Process to move out of Fear:

1. The first step in shifting a pattern/problem in our lives is identifying the root of the issue.

Example: let’s say the fear is about financial insecurity; when finding the root of the issue you can journal or meditate after asking yourself the question…”why am I SO scared that I won’t have enough money.”

Then write what comes up for you…more likely than not that IS the root!

1. Next is true acceptance of the origin of the issue. Use a positive affirmation to replace the old thoughts of financial insecurity.

Example: “I realize this fear is not rational, I realize I have this fear because_____, I know that today I have enough $” Be sure that you write your own affirmation and that you can believe your affirmation…it’s your own it!

Notice any resistance and write about it…every little detail matters.

1. Then I want you to watch what triggers the negative thoughts and feelings and always try to take the time to help yourself to feel better.

So this step is more about your feelings. Do you feel anxious, a tightening in your chest, angry? Are you able to nurture yourself enough to move to a better feeling?

1. Forgiveness<<< yes I know blah,blah,blah…you will see I have a different take on forgiveness. I always want you to forgive yourself FIRST!

1. Freedom…also known as letting go…more on this later.

This whole process is fairly simple, yet not easy. You can benefit greatly learning and walking through these steps with me as your coach. If you are suffering with fear now, please take advantage of the complimentary session by signing up in the form on the left sidebar of my website http://www.transformingfamily.com

*These deep rooted issues are often a apart of who we are…that’s OK in my book…we just need to learn how to work with them and ourselves so we are not hurt or held back in our lives! Often the process above is repeated over and over when we get triggered…yet it will go quicker and less painfully.*

Fall is officially here and, before you know it, you might find yourself challenged by family members that you don’t see or talk to very often. Well, NOW is the time to do something about it.  

Family is one of the most important foundations that we have, but not all family members are the same. There are those that empower you and help you grow — those who believe in you, understand you, and help you reach the stars. And then there are those that hurt you, try to hold you back, and seem to want to see you fail.

Every family has its good side. But there is also a darker part of family dynamics that can be negative, limiting, and destructive. Some of those unproductive thoughts and patterns can be generations old. And those who are engaged in them often aren’t ready, willing, or able to admit or change their bad behavior.
Are you clear about which family members are helping you and which ones are holding you and your business back? Do you believe in your dreams enough to begin setting better boundaries? Do you know that you have to surround yourself with kindness, support, and love — if you’re going to live your full potential?

If you’re going to share your gift with the world, make a difference, and enjoy your life, you have to step away from people who are negative, destructive, or disempowering — and you have to let some people go completely. If you want to be fully empowered in what you think and do, you have to make a conscious break from the people in your life who are holding you back (no matter who they are). 

Imagine yourself involved in only healthy and empowering relationships. You’re surrounded by people with the same goals and desires as you. They are supportive of your business, and they are supportive of who you are. You don’t have to explain why you’re an entrepreneur, why you have big dreams, or why you work as hard as you do.

You deserve to be surrounded and supported by a peaceful and loving family (and friends). You deserve to keep pursuing your dreams. You deserve to live the successful and harmonious life that you know you were born to live. You deserve to be the incredible YOU that you were born to be.

Elfver is the world’s leading mindset expert helping women (and highly evolved men) build their business and brand. For more than 20 years she’s been helping people in all industries build wealth and happiness – from the inside out.

Originally from Sweden, Ingrid now lives in the United States where she works with an elite group of mentoring clients around the world by phone. Although Ingrid is known for her Seven Secrets of Wealthy Women Entrepreneurs, she is most known as an expert on what she calls “The most important asset held by every woman in business – her mindset.”

Ingrid’s syndicated weekly column The Woman Entrepreneur, mentoring program, and online My Muse Membership help women in business expand their vision of what’s possible for them; see the gap between where they are and where they want to be; develop a winning mindset; and take massive positive action.

Website: www.MyMuse.info

How do we go about manifesting our family’s dreams? The process will look different for every family since we are all autonomous beings, so the ideas I talk about in this article are not directives, I just enjoy sharing what goes on inside my head. I have found that it can be challenging to use words to describe a spiritual concept, a concept that evolves through spirit, yet I continue to try.

My vision for my family started out inside of me, my spirit was my guiding light. My spirit told me that I wanted a loving, harmonious, consensual home; I wanted everyone to hold their own power. As a child I felt very powerless and am still working on owning my power. I didn’t want to do that to my family. It has been a journey and along the way I have learned a few things I would like to share. The most important thing I learned was not to focus on what I don’t want, but to focus on what I did want. For me, I started out knowing what I didn’t want and for a while did make the mistake of focusing on that and it didn’t feel very good. I recognized that this wasn’t working, I looked for a new way and the universe delivered the knowledge I needed to move forward. I read and was told to tap into how it would feel to have this family I envisioned. I am a feeling being, so that really helped me. I remember lying in my bath tub closing my eyes and actually feeling how wonderful it would be and from that point forward it came fairly natural to focus on that good intention, instead of my old tapes. Sounds easy enough…and for some it really is easy, for others including myself there was still more to do.

The Zen philosophy really resonates with me, it is based in practicality, the idea that the spiritual is in the mundane. So in my everyday life I had to practice seeing the spiritual goodness in everything. That is not to say bad thing don’t happen or that some days people don’t just feel sad, angry or whatever. For me acceptance is the key to all my feelings and working through them. We often hear the statement “choose joy” and that can be a bit challenging when something awful is going on; an illness, tragedy, disagreement with someone or even something dreaded by a lot of people as simple as the dentist <g>. How do we choose joy then you might ask. Again, acceptance of what going on is the starting point for me. Reminding myself that all of life is available to us for a reason, we might not understand the reason, but I try to accept everything as just being “OK”. When I can accept what’s going on I am choosing joy, even if it doesn’t fell great. It’s accepting the yin and the yang of life. It is embracing what is…reality.

Just this morning I received a daily email from the Abraham-Hicks website that suggested looking at life as a buffet. I will paraphrase; to choose your thoughts, just like you choose your food at the buffet. You put what you like onto your plate and you can choose what you want in your life. Yet, what about the challenging stuff life brings us, like I mentioned above…that can be a sticking point for many of us. If I manifested the good stuff, then do I manifest the bad stuff too? This kind of thinking can bring on new age guilt, which in my opinion is undesirable. I bring this up to clarify my point about acceptance. When we accept life, focus on what we want, be true to ourselves, follow our hearts and believe we can have everything we desire for ourselves and our families we will manifest our vision! May the force be with you

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