By: Tracy Liebmann
A curriculum relies on specific goals and
objectives that should be achieved within a certain timeline. When
it comes to parenting I find the results of this stilted and
mundane. Our children are not products; they are autonomous beings
who need to be in connection with their parents. When I threw out
the curriculum and simply created a safe place for collaboration,
wonderful changes occurred within my family. Having expectations for
a child to achieve certain goals and objectives by a certain time is
just setting them (and us) up for failure. I needed a way to reframe
the curriculum that I had started out with and this is the best way
I can put it into words.
I started to look at it like a musician entering a jam session. I am
one person who has learned how to play my instrument who is in
collaboration with the other people in my family all bringing their
gifts and talents to our jam session. Together we share ideas on how
we want our song to sound and then we just start playing. What flows
in that moment is what matters, not the preconceived notions about
what we thought the song should sound like. The art of this jam
session is that we meet on common ground, which is the wellbeing of
the family, then we improvise and see what we can come up with. The
tune often sounds nothing like the original preconceived idea...that
is the art of living without a curriculum.
I use the word art purposefully, no two families are exactly alike,
just like a painting or sculpture. In a family jam session standard
activities like meal time, watching TV, personal hygiene or deciding
what to do that day, provide the setting for this type of improv.
The skills and knowledge we have at our fingertips are not employed
according to plan, we (parents) are not the boss or even the lead
player, and we let things unfold naturally using our “expertise”
only when we are asked. We are like the drummer who supports the
other artists and keeps the rhythm going. The magic happens during
the interactions, in the space between the participants, no one
member can take the credit.
Parenting without a curriculum means looking at life with our family
as a philosophy of experiential learning, one that downplays the
intellectual tendency to predict and control. Integrating spiritual
principles like “leads by following”, “finding perfection in things
as they are and not as we think they should be”, these are
principles a conscious parent will live by. It is an experience, NOT
a script or a bundle of dogma! The idea is to live moment by moment,
being true to you.