By: Tracy Liebmann
I believe the simple principles of family
harmony are three fold, when you look at your family you must look
at three key elements, body, mind, and spirit. A healthy family is
like a healthy body, the system works together, almost effortlessly.
The brain is functioning, the heart pumps, the lungs breathe and the
body moves. In our families if every persons needs are being meet
the family will be functioning well and in harmony with one another.
It is important to check in with the three key elements to help the
family work well together. What are the needs for the body, mind and
spirit of each family member? Every human being is made up
differently and everyone has different needs for food, sleep, quiet
time, exercise, social interaction, spirituality and many other
components that you will need to look at specifically for your
family. I think one sure way of disrupting family harmony is when
the adults in the family are deciding what everyone’s needs are
around what they need. I believe this is a common problem in today’s
culture, not taking children’s needs as seriously as our own.
The official definition for harmony in the Webster’s dictionary has
to do with musical sounds which do not clash or has an agreeable
effect. My interpretation of this in regards to our families is very
similar; it is a just rightness in our families, it is a sense of
inner peace that is flowing through all of us. We do not clash and
we have an agreeable effect, of course this is true most of the time
not all of the time, this is real life not the Hollywood version!
Feeling a since of disharmony often comes up in my coaching practice
and the places families tend to get out of balance tend to be around
getting out of the house, food and bed time. Why do you think that
is? Well, in my experience it is often due to expectations, like
being on time or kids should be in bed by 9 PM, or unreasonable
demands like eat all your vegetables or a 4 year old take a bath,
brush his teeth and get into PJ’s without assistance.
If you are feeling like you want more harmony in your home chose one
thing to work on at a time. Just be the “watcher” of what is going
on that causes the disharmony. Try not to judge or fix the situation
just watch, listen and learn from what is going on. Go back to the
simple formula of looking for what each person needs to be feeling
content and happy in his/her body, mind, and spirit. If getting out
the door to go somewhere always ends in some type of drama; whose
needs are not being met? Did little Johnny have all the time he
needed to transition from what he was doing before you announced
“lets go, we are late” or was Sara able to finish her level on her
video game and save before you rushed her out the door? These things
are very important to our kids, getting there on time is important
to us! So we need to look for ways to get things ready and in the
car in plenty of time and give the children as much time as they
need to be prepared to leave. That will look different for every
family, and once you figure out what everyone needs to accomplish
the goal things will run smoother and everyone will be more
agreeable. This is just one example of the daily situations that
families are sometimes challenged by, I hope this brief description
of family harmony has been helpful to you. Please feel free to sign
up for a FREE sample session at my website
www.transformingfamily.com if you would like to talk more about a
specific situation in your family that you would like to bring more
harmony to…I look forward to hearing from you!